Fear and self-doubt. If you have read my story, you know that I lived with fear and self-doubt for 47 years. It was my inner turmoil despite all the achievements I had made in my life. It took battling cancer to begin to be my true self; a confident and fearless man.
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Controlling Fear And Self-Doubt
When I was younger, I focused on the future. The future is filled with anxiety and doubt. It caused me to look at my past which was filled with self-doubt. Everyone was better than me. My life, viewed from the outside, didn’t match what was going on in my head.
Today, I focus on what is happening now. I look inside myself and feel what’s going on. I ask myself, how am I feeling right now? If I experience something negative, I want to know how my body is feeling. What does my reaction feel like? Is my heart beating faster? Does my stomach feel like it’s in knots?
Focusing on the NOW has helped me control and eliminate fear and self-doubt. I understand that those thoughts don’t come for me. They come from other sources. For example, a baseball/softball player walks to the plate to face a great picture. He/she is not thinking they are going to strike out. They are thinking about hitting the ball. They don’t sabotage their at-bat by purposely thinking of the worst outcome. Those thoughts come from outside.
I call these entities that produce negative thoughts, Doubt Demons. I have struggled with my Doubt Demons in the past. In the last couple of years, I have been able to remove most of them from my head. All except Harold. Harold is rooted in pretty deep. He moved in early in my life and has made quite a home.
Like the old man living on Mount Saint Helens before the eruption, he isn’t leaving. Harold is the annoying roommate. He appears at the worst times and will not shut up. All my bad thoughts, fears, and self-doubts come from Harold.
Since it seems I can’t get rid of him, I have made friends with Harold. When he appears, I laugh at his efforts and send him back to his room. Because Harold’s only purpose is to keep me where I am, he has perfected his technique. What Harold doesn’t know is that I have a secret weapon.
Since I have grown spiritually, Harold’s old techniques don’t work anymore. He doesn’t hang around very long when he appears. If he did, he would be destroyed by my faith. Harold and faith cannot exist together.
Darkness And Light
Harold is darkness. To destroy darkness, one has to introduce light. Faith is light. Harold’s technique now is to appear for a microsecond. He appears; I have a brief feeling of doubt inside, and he is gone. That’s all it takes, a microsecond.
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Jesus said, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. How much doubt does it take not to be able to move a mountain? It would be a lot smaller than a mustard seed. Harold knows it only takes one quick thought of doubt to stop me from manifesting change in my life.
It is time for Harold to go permanently. I continue my readings, research, and studies. As I grow spiritually, Harold will eventually have to pack up and move out. I will gladly help him pack his bags and do the duffel bag drag into oblivion. My faith will continue to grow until I become the person I am meant to be.